Overheard at Last Night's Lakers Game

During the first quarter... So excited to be at the Lake Show
I'm having so much fun, you must know
My mustache doesn't even connect
Spotty facial hair, what did you expect?

(Unintelligible rapping)

(Gibberish)

The Lakers I love
The things I've tried
To be part of
The team don't work
Ever wonder if it's all for you.

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At halftime...

Is Jack down there? Have you guys seen Jack? Just let me know if he's down there. I need to know if he likes my black jacket and baseball hat look. I got it from him. Oh, and maybe he can explain why I'm wearing a Grambling hat.

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During the third quarter...

Oh, so some honkeys get to sit in the front row, mang? Estupido. Chicano can't get some seats, hombre? NBA be cheto packin' us all back here. Mexicans and white people are different.

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During the fourth quarter...


Every [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted]ing game I [expletive deleted]ing come to is a [expletive deleted] blowout. What the [expletive deleted]?! I pay [expletive deleted]ing $2600 for this [expletive deleted] seat and I have to watch some [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted]ing Mormons drag their [expletive deleted] sorry [expletive deleted]es all over the [expletive deleted] court in their [term for homosexuals][expletive deleted] baby blue jerseys that look like a [expletive deleted] robin's egg took a [expletive deleted] on them. Is it me? Did I do something to deserve this [expletive deleted][expletive deleted]?!

Does this shirt make me look fat? [Expletive deleted], it does doesn't it? [Expletive deleted]. No wonder none of these [expletive deleted]ing Lakers girls will even look at me. What a [expletive deleted]ing waste of [expletive deleted]ing money that could have went to a [expletive deleted] steak or some [expletive deleted]. [Expletive deleted] me.

Another Sideline Interview with Jonah Hill

Yoooooooooooo, what up. Just chillin' watchin' the Lakers. The Lake Show. The Lake Sheezy! I'm, like, the hugest [expletive deleted]ing fan ever. But not, like, literally anymore. I do that [expletive deleted]ing South Beach diet [expletive deleted] or whatever.

But, yeah, [expletive deleted], the Lakers are GOOD this year. They're like, AMAZING. Holy [expletive deleted] the Lakers are good. I just [expletive deleted]ing LOVE the Lakers.

WHAT THE [EXPLETIVE DELETED] ARE YOU DOING LUKE WALTON? MY MANAGER DIDN'T GET ME THESE TICKETS TO SEE YOUR [EXPLETIVE DELETED][EXPLETIVE DELETED] FALLING ALL OVER THE [EXPLETIVE DELETED]ING COURT! MIGHT AS WELL PLAY CHRIS [EXPLETIVE DELETED]ING MIHM!

So yeah, like, totally dig these courtside seats. They give me the hugest inside [expletive deleted] due to, like, the excitement. It's like a regular [expletive deleted] but on the inside because you're all [expletive deleted]ing pumped up for the game. But then, like, the [expletive deleted]ing Laker Girls, yo. Sweet mother of pearl, the Laker Girls give me an outside [expletive deleted].

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! CALLING THAT [EXPLETIVE DELETED] FOUL ON KOBE [EXPLETIVE DELETED]ING BRYANT! WHO THE [EXPLETIVE DELETED] DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? AND NOW THE [EXPLETIVE DELETED]ING CHARLOTTE [EXPLETIVE DELETED]ING BOB[EXPLETIVE DELETED]CATS BEAT THE [EXPLETIVE DELETED]ING LOS ANGELES LAKERS! IN [EXPLETIVE DELETED]ING LOS [EXPLETIVE DELETED]ING ANGELES! THAT'S [EXPLETIVE DELETED]!

Sorry. Sorry. I freaked out.

[EXPLETIVE DELETED]!