Deron Williams Has Some Important Information

We know, Deron. But thanks.

What Is In Carlos Boozer's Box?

Way to go Carlos Boozer! You found...

• Balloon Boy
• Stephon Marbury
• Lifetime supply of extra-strength Nair for Men
• Beard trimmer
• Whoop
• Picture of Talia Shire
• Human head
• Prime rib and peppercorn sub from Quiznos
• Book he ordered from Amazon a few weeks ago that he forgot about
• Car adapters for mp3 player, shipped from Singapore
• Less feminine bracelet
• A smaller box
• Packing peanuts
• Rock Band 2 for Wii
• Sardines

Sarah Palin Speaks About Fellow Alaskan Carlos Boozer's Hamstring Injury

Well, ya know, when you talk about Carlos Boozer you're talking about a power forward from Alaska. Not some Washington insider, he's like you and me.

Listen this isn't some Washington insider who isn't Joe Six-Pack. Carlos Boozer does what me and John McCain try to do, which is show the American people that we need a change. We need to shore up this economy, just like Carlos Boozer, who is, ya know, a former Alaskan who also isn't an insider, but Carlos Boozer needs to heal his hamstring.

You know, Carlos Boozer is injured. Say it ain't so, Carlos! I think it's a good barometer, here, as we try to figure out if this is a good time or bad time for Carlos's hamstring, is to go to a Jazz game and turn to any Joe Six-Pack and say, how is Carlos Boozer's hamstring?

And I'll bet you, you're going to hear some fear in that fan's voice, fear regarding the few hamstrings that Carlos Boozer has in his legs. Did he just take a major hit with that hamstring?

Fear about, how are we going to win games? A fear, as Jazz fans, perhaps, how we're going to score points and make more baskets than other teams.

The barometer there, I think, is going to be resounding that his hamstring is hurting and the Utah Jazz have not provided the sound oversight that Carlos Boozer needs.

We're tired of the old hamstrings as usual. And that's why, with all due respect, I do respect Carlos Boozer's performance on the US national team, but I think Alaskans are craving something new and different and that new energy and that new commitment that's going to come with signing Trajan Langdon.

Carlos and Michael Go On a Yacht

Mike Krzyzewski: Carlos, 'tis an honor that you would grace me with your prescence upon my yacht, the USS Krzyzewski.

Carlos Boozer: Certainly, my dear friend. Your yacht is a wonder among wonders. 'Tis my greatest pleasure to join you for the nautical adventure. Or should I say...yachtical adventure?

Krzyzewski and Boozer share a hearty laugh

MK: Carlos, Carlos, Carlos. You never cease to tickle my funny bone with your gentle pun-based humor.

CB: Only the education of the finest university in all the land could produce humor like this, dear Michael. To Duke University!

MK: Carlos, wait! We haven't any aperitifs! Jonathan, please bring me and my dear friend Carlos a Tom Collins.

JJ Redick: Yes, sir. Right away sir. Can I get you anything else?

MK: JUST GET ME THE TOM COLLINS! IT'S NOT THAT HARD IS IT?! YOU GET THAT COLLINS HERE FAST OR YOU GET THE STICK!

Krzyzewski turns back to Boozer

Sorry about that, Carlos. Good help is SO hard to find these days.

CB: You sir, are preaching to the choir. The clean-up after the Prince fiasco took eons. Not a soul knew how to properly frame my Caravaggio. The truest of travesties, Michael. Say, where is Jonathan?

MK: JONATHAN, WHAT IN THE NAME OF MIKE KRZYZEWSKI IS TAKING SO LONG?! I NEED MY DRINK NOW OR YOU'RE GOING IN THE HOLE AGAIN!

JR: Sorry, sir. It's just that we're out of lemons, so I had to substitute Real Lemon. The equivalents aren't quite exact and I know how you like your Collins.

MK: YOU MUST BE JOKING RIGHT NOW! YOU KNEW CARLOS WAS COMING ON THE YACHT! HOW DO YOU NOT HAVE LEMONS?!

JR: Sir, we've been sailing from Beijing to New York. I haven't had a chance to buy lemons.

MK: SO YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT THERE'S NOT A SINGLE LEMON IN ALL OF CHINA?! 1.5 BILLION PEOPLE AND ZERO LEMONS?! DOWN TO THE HOLE! NOW!

Krzyzewski turns to Boozer

My lord, I don't know why I keep that boy around.

CB: Well, Michael, he is ... Redickated to you.

Krzyzewski and Boozer share a hearty laugh