Paging Matt Bonner

Things have been pretty hectic at Blowtorch Consulting the past few months. After I put together the Brandon Jennings proposal, business boomed. And as the business has grown, I've had to sign a lot of non-disclosure agreements. This is the nature of commerce, I suppose.

But we are MAKING THINGS HAPPEN. For instance, last night while shopping for ingredients for a sausage casserole, I found our newest product endorsement.

GINGERBOY COOKIES - "Like gingerbread men, but younger in a not creepy way."

Some people say, "always be closing." I say, "always be brainstorming," which is probably more effective; some doors should remain open. Last night, in a split-second, I stormed my brain for a shortlist of possible Gingerboy endorsers. Here it is with each candidates pros and cons:

Blake Griffin

Pros: Has red hair. Actually marketable. Young, which correlates to the boy part of Gingerboy. Loves nutmeg.
Cons: May not be receptive to endorsing an offbrand cookie as he has other opportunities. Probably would want to change product name to Gingerballs. Hates cloves.

Brian Scalabrine

Pros: Has red hair. Kinda chunky, target market will identify with him.
Cons: No one wants to see Brian Scalabrine while they're eating.

Matt Bonner

Pros: Has red hair. No other marketing opportunities, so he would probably jump at this one. Avid baker.
Cons: Often sports a red beard. Possibly Canadian.

After careful consideration, I've decided to target Matt Bonner and his agent, Kenny Grant. Considering the other players Grant represents, I think he'll be pretty intrigued that someone actually is marketing one of his players. That's the Blowtorch Consulting strategy: make people who aren't marketable feel marketable so that they will pay you to market them.

Let's make this happen.

Various NBA Mafia Impersonations

Heeeeeeeyyyyyyyyy!!!!

Heeeeeeeyyyyyyyyy!!!!

Heeeeeeeyyyyyyyyy!!!!

Heeeeeeeyyyyyyyyy....??

Heeeeeeeyyyyyyyyy!!!!

Hey.

Little Baby Blowtorch

I've been reticent to mention this because I feel like it might be a little too personal. However, I need all of your help. My wife has been pregnant the last nine months.

Last night, our baby was born. Despite my protests, she wouldn't go for the name Bonesaw Michaeljordan Kerby. I don't know why not, either. But since it was the start of the NBA season last night, she agreed to let me name it after whoever I want. I've got some ideas.

Might go with the 'best player in the game' strategy.

LeBron Treymes Kerby

Might try to make him more exotic.

Pau Kerby

Might go old-school.

Bill Kerby

Might go new-school.

Blake Kerby

Might go for the best look.

Dirk Nowitzkerby

This is basically the most important decision of my life, so I need your help.

What do you think?

I Have to Admit It's Getting Better

A brief recap of the #32 throughout Clippers history...

A Michael Jackson Tribute Post

EEEE-HEEE

Happy Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, Planet Earth

In an effort to promote racial equality, I just want to let you all know that when Blake Griffin comes to the NBA next year, his nickname will be "Gingerballs." Rhys Darby would be proud.

That is all.