It's been a while since I posted a MATRT discussion but after my recent experience, I HAD to share and see what my readers would have to say about it. If you know me personally, or have kept up with DDT, you'll know that I'm a VERY open minded person. While I (like everyone else) have my opinions on certain issues, I am never one to judge. It's not my job and I wouldn't care to be one. With that said, let's get on with the post. Oh and please excuse the language but I want y'all to REALLY be in the moment with me.
Recently I was at a dinner party with a friend. I was familiar with some of the guests and others I had never seen before. I was at the end closer to individuals that I didn't know, but if you know me, you know I'm a people person and if you're cool, we're cool. So, the guy next to me introduced himself (we'll call him Bobby), I introduced myself and as the night went on we shared more than a couple of laughs. It was just a great night with great energy in the air and really nice margaritas LOL. Towards the end of the night one of the other guests addressed my twin sister but called her Dawn (that's my name if you didn't know). We all laughed for a while at the fact that he'd sat through an entire meal thinking I was her and she was me. To help him and the other guests out I playfully said to them "the easiest way to tell is to look at the ring on her finger, I have no ring and I have no man" LOL. After pointing out that difference in the two of us, Bobby started speaking to me, but much softer than he had before. This is how the convo went.
Bobby: So, one of you doesn't care who loves you...which one is it?
Me: *HELLA CONFUSED/TIPSY FACE* huh?!
Bobby: One of you doesn't care who loves you....is it you?
At this point I'm extremely confused because number 1, where is this question coming from...and number 2, what in the hell is he talking about LOL. Check MORE DISH to see EXACTLY what he meant!
Bobby: One of you doesn't care who loves you....is it you?
Me: I'm not really sure what you're asking so I can't really answer your question.
Bobby: Okay listen... I was with my girl for a while, everything was going good and then..... I started dating this guy. I let her know what was going on and we broke up. Now any woman that I meet I let her know off top that I've been with men before.
Me: *shocked as hell* Wow.. well let me say this, I commend you and truly respect you for your honesty. I appreciate the fact that you give the woman the opportunity to make that decision. It's a lot of men out here doing the same thing but they aren't truthful about it like you. I appreciate that!
Bobby: Yea, I'm always truthful....But BLACK WOMEN don't look at it that way. They're not looking at the fact that I'm not getting f*cked, I'm doing the f*cking! I love whoever loves me. But they look at it as if you let a ni**a suck you off, you're gay. I don't look at it that way... I look at it like A HOLE IS A HOLE!
Y'all...he got me with the "a hole is a hole" line. I had the SUPER stunned face on LOL. Back to the convo.
Me: Really, that's how you look at it?
Bobby: Yea, that doesn't make me gay. I don't know about telling women my situation tho cuz they always have this negative attitude about it.
Me: Yes, you do know and you're doing the right thing and again, I appreciate it! If that's how you feel about it, I respect that. But you also have to understand women feeling the way they feel about it as well.
Someone from the table got my attention and I left the conversation, thinking it was over. Nope, it wasn't! Bobby got my attention and starts up all over again LOL.
Bobby: So what do you think about it?
Me: What do I think about what? LOL
Bobby: The situation I just spoke of.
Me: Again, you're doing what you're supposed to (At this point Bobby kept saying "but, but, but"). If you're telling these women about your lifestyle and they are willing to accept it then that's what they're willing to accept and they are the ones that you might be able to be with.
Bobby: You keep saying THEY!
Me: Yes THEY, cuz that's not something that I'M willing to deal with but that's just me. Different people are willing to deal with different things.
Bobby: But that's not right.. women are able to flip flop and nobody says anything.
Me: You're right.. it's more acceptable with women, and yes it's a total double standard but that's just what it is. There a tons of double standards!
Bobby: That's f*cked up! (He didn't say this in a rude or offensive way..he was speaking of the double standard)
Me: This whole world is f*cked up, from the roota to the toota!! But there are seriously women out there that will accept it, I've heard stories of some.
At this point everyone was getting up to leave so that was literally our last words to one another. When I left I was in complete shock at what I'd just heard. Granted I've had men approach me before that I truly felt liked penis, but I have NEVER had one to come straight out and tell me (well he likes holes, but whatev). When I say I have the UTMOST respect for Bobby, I really do! I love hearing people's different takes on love and how they should receive and/or give it. Out of that entire discussion, the thing that confused me most was the fact that he SERIOUSLY does NOT consider himself to be "gay." Now personally, I don't care if you're gay, straight, bi or tri...but when you don't know who/what you are that can be totally confusing. Hell, it's confusing when you do know who/what you are LOL. Bobby stated to me that when he's with a person, that's who he's with and his partner doesn't have to worry about him stepping out. So I'm guessing that means that if he's with a woman, she doesn't have to worry about him being with a man and vice versa. I really would have liked to sit and talk with Bobby a little more because he seemed to be really open to talking about this, and I WILL ask a million and three questions LOL. The main question I wanted to ask is how are you not gay if you like having sexual relations (taking, giving, sucking, blowing, whatever) with another male? What do you guys think? Again I say, I commend Bobby for his truthfulness and we need more of it from our black men. Cuz while y'all playing, I know of a few men that could've been cast in "Broke Back Mountain" but they're out here pretending to like females. Well maybe I should say pretending to ONLY like females cuz clearly, Bobby likes females, he just likes him some boy meat as well. I'm wondering if more of these "down low" men would be more truthful about their lifestyles if they felt more women would accept it? I'm also curious as to why he said "black women" and not just women in general. Okay..comments please!! Do you care who loves you? I sure as hell do, LOL.
Meeting Adjourned!
