





"Two minutes. 120 seconds."On his mental state during his knee injury recovery.
"I've got the right attitude."On his favorite part of being a basketball player.
"You know, I just like meeting people."On watching other teams' games.
"I get League Pass, so I can watch all the games at my house. There aren't enough NBA fans left."On the difference between college basketball and the NBA.
"If you say college basketball is better, you're stupid."On what he would be doing if he weren't a basketball player.
"Tax accountant."On being told he resembles a young Liam Neeson.
"Hey, I consider that a HUGE compliment."
Excuse me, sir. Are you Mr. Jay Z?
For shizzle, my nizzle.
Excellent. I am a successful Russian entrepreneur and I have some questions about your basketball squad. Where do you dribble?
Down in V-A.
I was lead to believe that you had ownership of the New Jersey Nets basketball club. As English is not my native language, perhaps I am confused. Is New Jersey part of V-A?
Ha-HA!
I assume that laugh is one of sarcasm, meaning that V-A and New Jersey are separate locales. I am interested in purchasing all or part of your New Jersey Nets basketballing club. I would not like to purchase your dribbling organization in V-A.
We don't believe you, you need more people.
Quite the opposite, Mr. Z. As I mentioned before, I am a successful Russian businessman. I have amassed a small fortune by selling Americans things that they think are extremely Russian. Items such as vodka, communism, eagle head soup, and tickets to ballet shows. This has proved to be very lucrative. So lucrative in fact, that I hope to replicate its success in my homeland. My first order of business is purchasing an American sports team that no one cares about, but that Russians think Americans care about. Hence, I'd like to offer several billion dollars to own these New Jersey Nets basketballers.
We're called the Scott Burrell Blues Explosion. Our name used to be Toni! Toni! Toni!, but due to some sort of copyright infringement we had to change our name. So, for now, we're the Scott Burrell Blues Explosion.We've played all around the Chicagoland area. Our manager says we'll probably be able to schedule a national tour in the next few months, but word on the street is that we won't be able to perform in Washington, Arizona, Utah, Michigan, Ohio, and parts of New York and California. I guess time hasn't healed those wounds yet.
A long of our songs are written from the perspective of different players, or about the players. Probably our most famous song, so far, is "Taco Joe." It's about Joe Kleine. Here's the chorus:
Hey-ey Joe
Get us a tac-o
Hey-ey Joe
We want that tac-o
I wrote that particular lyric, but Dickey usually writes the songs. He's really good with melody. You can find our demo right here, and it'd be cool if you could hand that off to anyone you might know. Who knows, we could end up in a town near you.
And yes, we do do a cover of "Sirius" by the Alan Parsons Project. It's our first song every night.

Like I said, it's most likely that there is a LeBron James twin that no one knows about. The only differences betwixt the two are the glasses, loss of hair, and complete lack of athletic ability. If you have seen The Prestige, you'll quickly realize that this is something that has been planned since LeBron realized he could become famous. By using a twin he is able to be in two places at once, which is hugely marketable. Plus it will extend LeBron's career because it will save the wear and tear of travelling around the globe.
As the old saying says, you never know when a famous athlete will have a less athletic brother with wacky hair that the Phoenix Suns will want to draft.
Stemmed from summer's plain skirt rage, tiered skirts are having a serious comeback. This trend can go two very unique routes: the sophisticated ballroom skirt or the breezy "plain dress".
Strapless prom dresses have become a prom staple for great reason. They are equal parts sassy and classy. They flatter any figure. And they don't require a necklace. Keep your eyes out for dresses with beautiful beading and elegant embroidery around the bust-a big style this year.
JaVale McGee: Yo, man.
Michael Beasley: Yo, man. You hear this new CuDi album yet?
JM: Naw, man. I been playing ball too much.
MB: Tyte, bro. I been busy at this place they sent me to. If it sound echo-y, it's cause I gotta call from the bathroom. I ain't supposed to have a phone, so I had to leave my other four at home. One of my guys got me that CuDi record. Dude's on point.
I see you Marcin, playing for Poland in the FIBA tournament. We all see you, but that's the point isn't it? You of the 34 million dollar contract which you apparently used to buy custom red shoes. Subtle.
(crowd applauds)
Oh. My. Gosh. Johnny, is he really wearing jeans right now?
Killer jeans, bro.
I just wanted to thank David Robinson. He knows why. He wore jeans today. Yeah, jeans. Wide leg jeans. That inspired me though. Saturday night, I'm wearing the widest wide leg jeans you can find. Any time I see David Robinson in jeans, I'm going to wear baggier jeans that him. You can count on that.
You all might not know this, but EA Sports used to put a fake me in its NBA Live games. I played with him once in maybe 1996, and his rating wasn't 99, which kind of upset me. I'm not saying they messed up, but Live 97 had me at a 99.
NAW MAN. WAIT UP YO. THIS AIN'T RIGHT YO. LET'S GET SOMETHING STRAIGHT. I AIN'T SAYING MJ ISN'T GREAT CUZ HE IS, BUT I NEED TO SPEAK ON THIS.
What are you doing? I'm trying to remember every thing anyone ever did to offend me in the slightest, and you're interrupting me.
LOOK MIKE I'M SORRY TO BE TAKING AWAY FROM YOU BECAUSE I THINK YOU'RE GREAT AND I LOVE YOUR GAME. BUT I CAN'T LET PEOPLE SAY YOU THE BEST WHEN ERRYBODY KNOWS HOW GREAT I AM.
This isn't cool, man. You're going to make my list.
WHAT? I PLAYED WITH LEBRON ONCE AND I HAD A TRIPLE DOUBLE. THAT MEANS I AVERAGED A TRIPLE DOUBLE AGAINST THE MVP. YES I DO KEEP TRACK OF MY STATS IN PICKUP GAMES. SO MIKE, YOU'RE GOOD BUT I'M THE BEST. WHY WON'T YOU LET ME BE GREAT? I'M OUT.
I'd like to thank Kanye West for giving me the motivation to release my first rap record. I guarantee that any time I see him near a mic, I'm going at him.